Yeah so I actually watched this one.
Show starts off with Shatista coming out and doing his lame entrance.He gets in the ring and starts talking about when he was growing up in D.C.,being poor and shit....(excuse me,Shatista? Vanilla Ice called and he wants his fake origin story back.)He then goes on about beating the Undertaker on Sunday and wants to know if Undertaker will have his back that night during their tag match.Lights go out,bell rings,lights come on and there's Undertaker in the ring.Nice fan pop for the dead man,as he tells Shatista he's got his back but only cuz he wants another shot at the belt.Shatista agrees to a rematch and then 'taker tells him it'll be a Hell in the Cell match.
ad!
Next we see Jamie Noble and Vicky Guerrero talking about a match for him that night.She hands(hocks)him a Rey Mysterio DVD and says that's who he'll be wrestling.He's happy,she's ugly,let's move on.
So out comees Deuce and Domino w/Cherry......these guys are still around?Oh well,it's just a singles match for Domino,no real impact whatsoever and obviously a filler match.Cherry's hot though and I got a nice shot of her ass as she climbs in the ring,yowza!! Then comes out Uncle Fester with Gomez in tow....seriously I don't know who these two are,aside from the whole West Virginia in-bred schtick they got goin'.Anyways the bell rings and Uncle Fester transforms into a wrestler and beats the crap out of Domino...crowd doesn't care...Cherry's still hot though.A little more back and forth wrestling adn finally,Uncle Fester pins Domino and transforms back into an idiot........whatever.Moving on.
Rey Mysterio comes out and all the Mxycanos go nuts.Then Finlay comes out and sits down with JBL and Michael Cole.Then Jamie Noble comes out and the the match starts.Pretty decent match all-around.Speedy Gonzales does all his moves that Mxycano wrestlers are known for while Noble gives a good match.If they found a better angle for him,he'd be a great cruiserweight champ.Anywho,Speedy Gonzales wins and Finlay tells him he'll beat the shit out of him at Survivor Series....who cares?
ad!
Next we have Matt Hardy standing and MVP comes out and is all his hip-hop self and Matt tells him good luck with his match that MVP is "unaware" of.He's like "With who?" and then Kane's entrance kicks off and Matt points to the ring.MVP shits himself.Kane comes out to the ring...I liked him better with his mask and voice-box thing..oh well...then MVP comes out and the match starts off with Kane throwing MVP all over the place.Oh wait that's right,Kane's ribs are still "injured" so MVP starts hitting on those......I guess they have to give a reason for this match to last longer than a minute cuz Kane could chokeslam this guy in 30 seconds and that'd be it.
ad!
Back from commercial and this match is still going on.I'm gonna make popcorn.Kane wins but out comes Mabel-Gone-Bad who picks Kane up....holy shit this guy's got bigger tits than a porn star.WTF!!!My eyes burn just from watching.He then slams kane down and leaves.
Some Raw promo stuff,hey cool DX is back for one night.Might actually watch that one.
Next up is Doink and Dink....no,not really it's Mick Foley vs. Coachman with an Irish midget as referee.Guess they needed some comedy for the night and Foley had nothing better to do.At any rate this one was thankfully short(pun very much intended)with Foley beating this guy in a couple minutes.For a minute there I thought he'd hoist the munchkin on his shoulder like a mini-Miss Elizabeth but it didn't happen....pity.
Time now for the nobody-gives-a-shit match of the evening.Out rides Chuck Palumbo on his tricycle with Michelle McCool(her real name as Nowhereman told me a while back).Then comes out Kenny Dykstra with some ho.Is this kid over twelve?Anyways,match starts,Palumbo does stuff,Dicaprio does stuff back,crickets chirp,Palumbo pins Dicaprio,match over,crowd comes back to life.
Cut to the Not-So-Great Khali and Mark Henry.Not-So-Great Khali speaks gibberish while Kem-Chi translates.Whatever.
Anyways out comes these two and they stand in the ring.Then Undertaker music plays and out he comes.Next Shatista and his lamer-every-time-I-see-it entrance theme and Undertaker starts off against Mark Henry.Undertaker is obviously gonna have to carry this match as none of the other three can wrestle for shit and sure enough,it doesn't take long to see it's true
I really hate when the announcers call Undertaker doing his top rope walk "old-school" Fuck that shit..call it "classic" if you must. any way Shatista gets in the ring and soon "Not-So-Great Khali gets in and they move around the ring.Some pretty frequent tags between 'Taker and Shatista going on,but the match is moving kinda slow.Undertaker is in and going against both Henry and Not-So-Great Khali gets both set up for a double choke slam,waits too long they throw him against the ropes,'Taker ducks underneath the double clothesline and then JBL jumps in from the announcer table wails on Shatista and kicks Undertaker in his tombstones and leaves.Bell rings and then Henry bear hugs Shatista while Not-SoGreat Khali gives the Vulcan Death Grip to Undertaker.WTF??!!
Show ends,I curse WWE.
