RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat So... What'cha Drinking?

Hey there, hi! How are we all doing today? Good? Great. I see Leah brought us all pizza...

Thank fucking god.
That's got to be the hardest part of this class, all semester. Waiting for it to get out so I can go eat lunch. Just sitting there, watching Charlie Chaplin and the big guy eatin' on a boot... 'Man, I want some too. Pass a little bit of that over here, yeah?'

You know, it's almost Christmas. You know what that means? Pie. Everywhere is pie. I love pie. Some of y'all are going out, buying presents for your boyfriend or girlfriend... I'm buying presents for my pies. 'Hey there, Pumpkin! I got you a gift! It's a new dress for you. I call it 'whipped cream.' Go ahead, try it on! I won't peak! Give us a kiss.'

So, I'm quite the chunky monkey. I'm a bit of a punker too, but you know? The two don't really mix too well. You see a girl with a mohawk and you think, "oh, she's punk rock." You see a girl with a 40" waist and you think, "oh damn, she loves pie." You see the two in combination and you think, "oh damn, she loves a *different* kind of pie!"

Everywhere I go, people ask me if I'm gay. Well, that is, they ask if I'm gay after they call me 'sir' for a while. You know, there's really nothing wrong with being gay... I like being happy too. No, for serious, there's nothing wrong with sexxing up anyone of any gender -- in fact, I think homosexuals are better 'cause they don't reproduce. You see a couple of fags you don't like, hey it's okay! They will eventually die. You meet a couple breeders, though... man, you gotta put up with their progeny. And if they're religious? Shit, you'll be stuck with more assholes than there are stars in the sky, a whole new nation of Abraham.

I'm not a very religious person, myself. I'm agnostic, which is sort-of like being a scientist -- I don't believe in anything. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the faithful, it's just... sometimes religion makes people do really stupid things. Like those extremist Islamics. "You insult Muhammad! I'm so angry I could just *BOOM*"

Or take this: My mom is super-catholic. I mean... she's practically Jesuit. That's, like, the Nazi S.S. for Jesus. Now, my mom's pretty level-headed, she's an intelligent woman. But some of her friends? They are WAY too gung-ho for anyone's good. She has these friends that have, maybe, eight kids. Not one of her goddamn kids has any manners. They all just run around like little Tarzan children, fucking stuff up. And, get this: with every kid, Every One! She has some sort of life-threatening complication during pregnancy. She's even died for a few minutes at least once... So the oldest kid is 13 or something, and the youngest is still in diapers. Mom called me last week, "Good news! Carol is pregnant again! She's in the hospital though, 'cause she's started bleeding..." Mother of God. These are the poster-children for condoms.
"Stupid people propagate needlessly! Buy Trojan!"