RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Are You There God? It's Me, Soy.

Journals taken from little Soy.

June 1985.

Dear God, I was playing with my new Hall of Justice playset at Granny's today. It isn't as good as the Castle of Greyskull, and all the stuff is really cheap plastic, but I need a meeting place for the Flash, Green Lantern, and Superman. Brother says, if I am nice and clean up his stuff, he will let me use his Aquaman, Batman, and Robin figures. I left Martian Manhunter and Red Tornado at home. Red Tornado has a cool cape.

Mom and Dad were watching a movie called Bachelor Party. It starred the guy from Splash. They told me not to look at the screen, but between openings of the Hall of Justice, I just had to peek.

There was a naked lady with bouncing boobies. Her hairy thing was showing. My neighbor Mike says it is called a pussy. Funny name. My winkle started to act strange again. It got stiff. I am worried. If this keeps up, I might need to talk to Mom or Dad and see what the doctor can do.

July, 1989.

Dear God, I got my first pube. I showed it to everyone. They were less than amused. Maybe I should have waited until after the neighbors left.

September 1990

Dear God, I think I know what masturbating is now. Was rummaging through Mom and Dad's closet, looking for the playboys. As usual, wanted to get a stiffy. But I found a video cassette. Curious, I took it down stairs and played it on the VCR. Grody!

Guys with giant penises were sticking them in these women who were moaning a lot. Lots of licking and sucking and moaning. Weird stuff. But that wasn't the strangest thing. This... white fluid came out of the guys after they were doing whatever it was for awhile.

Curious, I went into my room and tried that. It took awhile, but I felt something funny happen. It was a cool sensation, and I kind of peed, only I didn't. Repeated frequently.

May 1991

Dear God, I got my first armpit hair. I showed it to Mom. She was proud of me. Brother called me a pathetic faggot. I got mad at him for making fun of me. This was not smart. He beat me up. I hate armpit hairs.

June 1992

Dear God, I am in a hotel bathroom in Georgia. The peach fuzz on my face has gotten dark enough that I think I am ready to shave for the first time. I took the razor from the traveling kit and went at it. Shaving cream would have helped. Mom was proud. Brother said I was a moron. Still remember lesson from last year. Mom applied the tissue paper to stop the bleeding.

...and that is enough for now.

(post)

(another post)

So, Disco, Soy blackmailed you into posting, too?

Fuck you bastards! This was art. Art, I tell you.

So what did you ever do about your winkle problem?

It got worse. Chronic thing apparently. It comes and goes, but I found it had advantages. I can hold up my keyboard without using my hands or lap. It's the balancing that becomes a problem.

That was a beautiful story.

That story am touched URG right here.

Tell that to the people at Random House! I was all set to be the male version of Judy Bloom, but they said, "No, thank you. We wish you luck on your future endeavors..."

I think I still have a chance with Penguin Books though. We'll see what happens.

Dear God.

SWEET HOLY FUCK!

that's poetry man......it's like my life, in black and white......

except for the fact that your story doesn't feature broom handles up your ass.....

Wow!! I never knew what guys went through...maybe I should post stories about my boobies growing to give you guys the female persepctive...

Posting stories about your nipples hardening would be more entertaining.

I wanna see that dog catch a frisbee!

Dave, you critic swine!

Pigs stink.

So do you, Brian Fellow... So do you...

This is a clean show, stop that!

Mitch in the Glatrix!

*SMACK!*

I love The Prodigy.

Ooh... obscure.

I really liked the video.

That murdering bastard.

Nice tits!

:) :)

My stomach's grumbling for lack of food.