So, I walk to work. Most days, at least. Yesterday, I was... er. Blessed. With a unique experience that I wish to never repeat again. I was literally 1/4 mile away from work at about 2:45 PM. Across the road, I noticed a heavy-set older man parking his bicycle and stumbling slightly as he began walking away. Didn't really think anything of it. Then he called over to me and asked if I had a cigarette. Being the charitable person I am, I said yes, and offered to walk over and give him one after the traffic cleared. But he wouldn't have that. No, he had to walk across the street in heavy traffic. I gave him a cigarette, lit it for him (but he stole my lighter anyway, the bastard) and he shook my hand, started talking to me. Immediately, I noticed he stunk of booze. Not a huge surprise, but it didn't make me wanna stick around. He started commenting on how strong I was, which made me want to get the fuck away even more; I thought maybe he was sizing me up, seeing what he could get away with. I just shrugged and said it came from working so damn much. Next, he started telling me the bike across the street was stolen, and it was a $200 Mongoose, he put 15 miles on it, but he stole that bike. Oh, did I mention he stole the bike? He sure did. SIX FUCKING TIMES! Then he told me he was Jesus Christ, and was going to die for our sins. I told him that I'd heard that story once before and it didn't really excite me the first time. Then he asked if I was gonna give him my hat.
"Uh. What, you want it?"
"Well, yeah, sure, I want somethin' to remember you by."
"Yeah, here ya go, I gotta get to work, take care."
When I die, before I get to Hell, I'm gonna kick Jesus in the balls and shout "WHERE'S MY FUCKIN' HAT, YOU PRICK?!"
