RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

JB doesn’t need mic to sing , no one needs mic for lip-syncing .

Q: Why did the Chicken cross the Road?
A:To get away from Justin Bieber!!!

Stop making fun of him. Every time you make fun of him, you’re making fun of someone’s daughter.


According to E! , Justin Bieber and Usher is in relationship and was found on late night dating. They will marry once Justin turns 18.Guitar , ”

“Justin Bieber Finally hit the Puberty” was the biggest April Fool Joke of the Year .


Obama : We are going through major crisis , all the teen girls are becoming Lesbian.
Press : How can you tell than ?
Obama : Because they fantasize sex with Justin Bieber .

He do look good as zombie, he will be acting as zombie in next "Resident Evil" movie

Billy Ray Cyrus: Hey Miley, When did you record that song ?
Miley Cyrus : That’s Justin Bieber song .

Justin Bieber is borrowing cloths from Lady Gaga for her next video .

Kim Kardasian : I think i got ” Bieber Fever”
Doctor : No it is “Herpes”.

Your momma is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber is a Guy .


Your mother is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber can sing.

A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows. His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! "Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked his friend. "I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"
"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

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Andrew Aitken "Andy" Rooney (January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011) was an American radio and television writer. He was most notable for his weekly broadcast "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney", a part of the CBS News program 60 Minutes from 1978 to 2011. His final regular appearance on 60 Minutes aired October 2, 2011. He died one month later, on November 4, 2011, at age 92.
Contents

Andrew Rooney was born in Albany, New York, the son of Walter Scott Rooney (1888–1959) and Ellinor (Reynolds) Rooney (1886–1980). He attended The Albany Academy, and later attended Colgate University in Hamilton in Central New York, where he was initiated into the Sigma Chi fraternity, until he was drafted into the United States Army in August 1941. Rooney began his career in newspapers while in the Army when, in 1942, he began writing for Stars and Stripes in London during World War II.

In February 1943, flying with the Eighth Air Force, he was one of six correspondents who flew on the second American bombing raid over Germany. Later, he was one of the first American journalists to visit the Nazi concentration camps near the end of World War II, and one of the first to write about them. During a segment on Tom Brokaw's The Greatest Generation, Rooney confessed that he had been opposed to World War II because he was a pacifist. He recounted that what he saw in those concentration camps made him ashamed that he had opposed the war and permanently changed his opinions about whether "just wars" exist.

In London, during the war, Mary Hemingway made an accusation of plagiarism against several fellow journalists, including Andy Rooney, although the accusations were proven false.

Rooney's 1995 memoir, My War, chronicles his war reporting. In addition to recounting firsthand several notable historical events and people (including the entry into Paris and the Nazi concentration camps), Rooney describes how it shaped his experience both as a writer and reporter.

Rooney joined CBS in 1949, as a writer for Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts, when Godfrey was at his peak on CBS radio and TV. It opened the show up to a variety of viewers. The program was a hit, reaching number one in 1952, during Rooney's tenure with the program. It was the beginning of a close life-long friendship between Rooney and Godfrey. He wrote for Godfrey's daytime radio and TV show Arthur Godfrey Time. He later moved on to The Garry Moore Show, which became a hit program. During the same period, he wrote for CBS News public affairs programs such as The Twentieth Century.

According to CBS News's biography of him, "Rooney wrote his first television essay, a longer-length precursor of the type he does on 60 Minutes, in 1964, "An Essay on Doors." From 1962, to 1968, he collaborated with another close friend, the late CBS News correspondent Harry Reasoner — Rooney writing and producing, Reasoner narrating — on such notable CBS News specials as "An Essay on Bridges" (1965),[8] "An Essay on Hotels" (1966), "An Essay on Women" (1967), and "The Strange Case of the English Language" (1968).[8] In 1968, he wrote two CBS News specials in the series "Of Black America",[8] and his script for "Black History: Lost, Stolen, or Strayed" won him his first Emmy."

When CBS declined to broadcast "An Essay on War" in 1970, Rooney quit CBS and read the opinion himself on PBS — his first appearance on television. That show in 1971 won Rooney his third Writers Guild Award.[8] Rooney rejoined CBS in 1973, to write and produce special programs. Rooney also wrote the script for the 1975 documentary FDR: The Man Who Changed America.

After his return to the network, Rooney wrote and appeared in several prime-time specials for CBS, including In Praise of New York City (1974), the Peabody Award-winning Mr. Rooney Goes to Washington (1975), Mr. Rooney Goes to Dinner (1978), and Mr. Rooney Goes to Work (1977) Transcripts of these specials, as well as of some of the earlier collaborations with Reasoner, are contained in the book A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney. Another special, Andy Rooney Takes Off, followed in 1984.
A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney

Rooney's "end-of-show" segment on 60 Minutes, "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney" (originally "Three Minutes or So With Andy Rooney", began in 1978, as a summer replacement for the debate segment "Point/Counterpoint"featuring Shana Alexander and James Kilpatrick. The segment proved popular enough with viewers that beginning in the fall of 1978, it was seen in alternate weeks with the debate segment. At the end of the 1978–1979 season, "Point/Counterpoint" was dropped altogether.

Rooney made a number of comments which elicited strong reactions from fans and producers alike.

Rooney wrote a column in 1992 which posited that it was "silly" for Native Americans to complain about team names like the Redskins, in which he wrote in part, "The real problem is, we took the country away from the Indians, they want it back and we're not going to give it to them. We feel guilty and we'll do what we can for them within reason, but they can't have their country back. Next question."

In a 2007 column for Tribune media services, he wrote, "I know all about Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, but today's baseball stars are all guys named Rodriguez to me." Rooney later commented, "Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said it, [but] it's a name that seems common in baseball now. I certainly didn't think of it in any derogatory sense." Has No Clothes Award from the Freedom From Religion Foundation

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Andy Rooney


Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
Andy Rooney



If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.
Andy Rooney


I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
Andy Rooney

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Andy Rooney


I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
Andy Rooney


As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
Andy Rooney

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney


Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
Andy Rooney


I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney

One night a flying saucer landed in the back yard of Tim and Ingrid of Pasadena, Texas. Two attractive aliens, one male and one female, emerged from the saucer and introduced themselves as Martians. They told their hosts they had come to planet Earth to conduct an experiment.

Tim asked, "What do you want from us?"

The experiment was research on having sex with Earthlings, the aliens replied. "Would you two like to assist us with or experiment?"

Tim and Ingrid thought it over and said okay. Tim took the female alien into one bedroom and Ingrid took the male alien into the other bedroom. After the male was undressed, Ingrid looked him over and started laughing. The alien asked what was so funny. Ingrid replied, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed...It's just that you're not large enough to satisfy any woman on Earth!"

The alien replied, "No problem. Watch this." He grabbed his ears and his penis grew 10 inches.

With a smile, Ingrid exclaimed, "Now that's more like it!"

A few hours later, after the aliens had gone, Tim asked Ingrid, "Did you enjoy sex with the alien?"

"It was fantastic.", replied Ingrid. Ingrid asked, "How about you. Did you enjoy sex with the alien?"

Tim replied, "It was okay except she kept pulling my ears."

Whole Hog
Farmer Brown goes to market and buys several hogs to breed for things like ham and bacon to feed him and his wife. After a few weeks, it becomes apparent the female pigs are not getting pregnant, so he calls the local vet for help.

"Perhaps you should try artificial insemination," the vet advises.

Farmer Brown doesn't have the vaguest idea what "artificial insemination" is, but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he asks, "How will we know when they're pregnant?"

"Well, for one thing, they'll stop standing around and will, instead, begin to wallow in the mud."

"Thanks, Doc. Appreciate your time." The farmer hangs up and gives this some thought. "Hmmm…artificial insemination. He must mean I'm supposed to impregnate the pigs myself."

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives deep into the woods, does each one in turn, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he awakens and looks out at the pigs. Seeing they are all still just standing around, he concludes the first try didn't take. Again he loads them back into the pickup, drives to the woods, does each pig twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just milling around.

One more try, he tells himself, and that's it! Into the pickup, and off to the woods again. He spends all day shagging the pigs, and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he is too spent to raise himself from the bed. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are just standing around.

"Nope." she says.

"Finally!" Farmer Brown says with an exhausted sigh.

His wife adds, "They're all in the truck and one of 'em is honkin' the horn."

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he notices smoke coming out of the chimney and assumes that someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man with a beard almost down to the ground answers.

The old man squints. "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or a place to sleep all that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight."

The old man says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter." The man, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." The old Chinese man replies, "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests known to man." "OK, OK," the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

That night, when the man came down to eat, he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, he had spent many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather. They both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but they did keep the noise to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Next morning the man awoke feeling a heavy weight. He opened his eyes and saw a huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "First Chinese Torture Test: 100-pound rock on your chest." "What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "Second Chinese Torture Test: Rock tied to right testicle." The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumped out the window after the rock. Outside the window was a third sign saying "Thirrd Chinese Torture Test: Left testicle tied to bedpost."

K-Y Chronicles, cont'd
It's a boring day in Super-hero City. Superman is very bored, so he goes up to Spiderman and says "Hey, Spidey, you want to go to the bar and play pool and have some drinks?". Spiderman replies "Sorry, Superman, I have to fix my webs because if I don't, no one will fight crime". Superman says "Yeah, I guess you are right," and he leaves.

Superman keeps on walking and walking and he sees Batman. He walks up to Batman and says, "Hey Batman, you want to go to the bar and drink or smoke some blunt or something?" Batman replies "Sorry, Sup, I have to fix my Batmobile or else no one will fight crime". Superman replies "Yeah I guess you are right," and leaves.

Superman then starts flying through Super-hero City and he looks through a window and sees Wonderwoman lying on the bed naked. Superman says to himself "Hey, I am as fast as a speeding bullet, so I will fly in there and fuck her so fast she won't even notice". So he does it. BICKETY BAM!!! He is in and out in ten seconds. Suddenly, Wonderwoman rolls over and says "Invisible Man, did you hear something?". Invisible Man replies "No. But my ass hurts like hell!!"

A man walks into a bathroom and starts taking a leak. Next to him is an elf also taking a leak. He casually looks over and sneaks a peak and notices the elf's huge organ. He an't resist asking the elf how he got such a huge penis. The elf tells him he's one of Santa's helpers and Santa himself gave it to him.

The man asks the elf how he could get a penis like his. The elf explains that he could grant the man three wishes. So the man wishes for: 1. All the money in the world. "No problem," says the elf. 2. All the women in the world. "No problem," says the elf. 3. A dick as big as his.

The elf agrees to grant him his three wishes provided the man lets the elf fuck him in the ass. So the man thinks to himself, all the money, all the women, plus a huge dick, and he let's the elf have his way with him.

After the excruciatingly painful ordeal the man ask for his three wishes. The elf turns and says, "You imbecile, you still believe in Santa Claus?"

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Two behaviorists have sex. One turns to the other and says, "That was good for you: how was it for me?"

Question: Why is the solipsist unhappy? --- Answer: Because no one will accept his arguments as valid.

Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists.
Experimental psychologists think they're biologists.
Biologists think they're biochemists.

Biochemists think they're chemists.
Chemists think they're physical chemists.
Physical chemists think they're physicists.

Physicists think they're theoretical physicists.
Theoretical physicists think they're mathematicians.
Mathematicians think they're metamathematicians.
Metamathematicians think they're philosophers.
Philosophers think they're gods.

Question: What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? --- Answer: Make me one with everything.

From John Lachs' entry on "Footnotes to Plato" in the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy:

A.N. Whitehead once wrote that "the safest general characterization" of Western thought is that "it consists of a series of footnotes to Plato". This testy assessment of an entire tradition is often recited by Platonists and has earned for Whitehead the accolades of the aphorism crowd.

The great thinkers of the past certainly did not think that they were adding footnotes to Plato's text. Had Kant thought he was adding one, he would surely have kept the Critique of Pure Reason under 500 pages. And should Wittgenstein have suspected that he was producing scholia, he would have spent at least a little time reading the text.

... Does Descartes, who subverted the starting-point of ancient philosophy, constitute no more than an afterthought to it? Should Hume, who rejected both its premisses and its conclusions in favour of his own original views, get no credit beyond having discovered a new wrinkle on wisdom's old face? Can we even think that in his stunning synthesis of everything ancient and modern, Hegel rehearsed only what Plato had always known?

Possibly, however, Whitehead's statement was made in the spirit of rampageous over-generalization one can expect from footnoters to Plato. If so, it must be taken with a grain of salt or greeted by rolling one's eyes. But even then, in one clear respect, the claim he makes is false. For the safest way to deal with the history of Western thought is not to characterize it in general terms at all.